Young girls are feminists, too!

Just last weekend, I had the pleasure of babysitting my young cousins, all of whom were super eager and excited to see me. Simply put, they are the cutest, most thoughtful little girls I know - and I'm not just saying that because we're related. Well, maybe I am, but I'm allowed to be biased.

Now, these girls have grown up with almost everything pink. They love to play Barbies and they're just over the moon about the Disney Princesses. They're obsessed with anything that involves high heels, make up, and jewelry. And to be honest, what young girl isn't? Such things, as a child, are just intriguing and totally cool!

Hanging out with my girlies is always such a treat. They're always teaching me new things and never fail to keep me informed on "what's cool" now-a-days (because apparently, I'm old and totally out of the loop). They make me smile and laugh more than any other children can, and spending time with them really makes me want to have children (someday) that are just as spunky and awesome as they are.

Now, to the point of this blog entry. We were having a nice lunch, seated in the kitchen at their counter. All four girls (ages 11, 9, 6, 4) were sitting so nicely and eating their lunches and chatting about school projects. As a feminist, and a curious person, I enjoy listening to other people (and in this case, children) about the conversations they're having in relation to feminism and gender. I just happened to have been listening at the right time because they were now on the topic of Disney Princesses.

Maddie, the eldest, then said what every feminist wants to hear in regards to body image and the perception of beauty.

"Jenna, the princesses are so perfect and so skinny. I just don't understand why because no one really looks like that. It's kind of gross. I can't ever look like that because if I did, I would look unhealthy." Then my heart started to melt. And just like that, I had faith in the younger generations in relation to their body image. I had faith that the younger generations of women would be able to develop POSITIVE BODY IMAGE, in spite of the media messages that suggest otherwise.

The best part of our conversation was that the younger girls, Abby, Paige, and even the four-year-old, Mya, agreed with their eldest sister! I was so thrilled! There was conversation about beauty and how beauty isn't defined by a fictional character. I just participated in the conversation as a listener, with the occasional head-nod and the ever present "Mmhmmm."

Part of me wanted to take each one in my arms and tell them that with that attitude, they could save a whole generation of women from negative body image. I wanted to compliment them on noticing how these Disney Princesses are flawed in so many ways, but I didn't.

For me, the fact that these girls can, and do, promote positive body image at these ages is completely surprising and invigorating. Young girls should be taught how to love their bodies just the way they are. They should be calling out the media messages that they're consuming (i.e. Disney Princess movies).

I didn't reach out and commend those little badass girls because then that would've opened up the dialogue for why I was complimenting them. What they were saying about Disney's perception of beauty was spot on, and to congratulate them on making those valid critiques would've, in turn, made them question whether or not such claims are normal and accurate - which they are! I will not give praise when it is not needed.

Young girls of all ages should be taught how to consume mass media and what to look for, such as positive and negative aspects of advertising, using women's bodies as a medium for advertising, and in those girls' case, how seriously to take those Disney Princesses.

They made my heart grow with their words and gave me hope. They gave me hope that one day, they'll be just as feminist as I am. They gave me hope that they'll remain themselves, even when faced with unrealistic expectations of how and who they're supposed to be. I love them so much.

Women on Wednesday: High Heels, Lipstick, and Sex

Today I had the privilege of speaking on a panel for our campus's Women on Wednesday series. Women on Wednesday is our Women's Center signature noon-hour lecture series covering a current theme each semester, this Spring, the topic being "Change Makers: Young Women Speak Out." The topic today, High Heels, Lipstick, and Sex, was quite a provocative one and we were very happy with the number of listeners we had.

I figured that since noon is a pretty difficult time for any students to make a commitment, other than lunch, I would post some of the questions that we discussed and what my '"talking points" were. Also, the session was podcasted and will be posted to the Women's Center website, so be on the lookout for that if you're interested.

High Heels, Lipstick and Sex

1.      Do you identify as a feminist? If yes, when did you?  And what does being a feminist mean to you?

·         Yes

·         Being a feminist means that everything just makes sense to me. All the issues surrounding my life and that I’m constantly immersed in suddenly have meaning, explanations, and reasoning for why I feel the way I do. Being a feminist means not being alone. It means collaboration and discussion about activism and how to change people’s perception about gender and the issues that we, as women, face on a daily basis. It means informing and educating others about what’s going on in the world; it means creating awareness on how to prevent issues that are relevant to the overall quality of life regarding all women. Feminism just isn’t a part of my life, it is my life.

2.      What are the contradictions about social messages of who you are supposed to be, what you’re supposed to wear (high heels, lipstick), how much sex you’re allowed to have (and who they are allowed to have it with)?

·         There are underlying contradictions everywhere in our society, so I’ll just name the top three that I’m faced with on a daily basis.

·         Women are always supposed to be beautiful.

                                                              i.      Make up – we’re not regarded as “pretty” if we’re not wearing it, but men (because that’s who we’re supposed to impress, right?) so often claim that they would much rather see us without make up, why do we still wear it? Because it makes you feel pretty? Why?

                                                            ii.      Clothing – media representation of women basically says that we should be wearing leather mini-skirts and stilettos 24/7, but the minute we do, we’re called “sluts” or “whores.” You know, and it’s even gone to the extreme that when women are sexually assaulted or raped, society has begun to blame our clothing options – saying that we were asking for it, or we should’ve expected it.

                                                          iii.      Shaving

·         Body image

                                                              i.      We’re supposed to be thin, but when we’re too thin we’re called “anorexic.” You know, or we’re supposed to have curves, but watch out, if you exceed a size 12, or heaven forbid a size 14, you’re not longer considered beautiful, you’re fat.

                                                            ii.      Or perhaps the ad campaigns that promote “positive body image,” such as Dove, but yet, they have the nerve to cell cellulite removal cream or skin lightening products. Don’t be fooled.

·         Sex

                                                              i.      Women are told to stay virgins for as long as possible, but when the big moment finally arrives, we’re supposed to know exactly what to do in order to please our male partners.

3.      What is the biggest contradiction you struggle with as a woman who believes in feminist ideals?

·         Sex

                                                              i.      Young women are being sold the idea that we can’t make our own decisions about sex, and this stems back to abstinence-only sex education from high school.

                                                            ii.      Jessica Valenti wrote this great book, Full Frontal Feminism, and she basically says that women aren’t supposed to be having sex, you know, until they’re married, or only if it’s for procreation, and only with another girl if guys can watch. Basically, if we’re not doing it the way other people want, we’re just not supposed to be engaging in that sort of activity.

                                                          iii.      Misconception or stereotype that feminists hate sex (or that you’re a lesbian since we all supposedly hate men), which is just that, a stereotype. Feminism basically says that it’s okay to make decisions about your sexuality for yourself. In fact, feminism, and feminists alike, encourage you to take control of your own sexuality, claim it as yours, no one else’s, and I understand how difficult that is, but once you can grasp that aspect of your life, it’s completely empowering and invigorating.

                                                           iv.      I have been actively participating in my own sexuality, and that basically just means that I’m not having sex. I am choosing, I am the one making the decisions. To quote Valenti, “Because when it comes down to it, what’s more important than being able to do what you want with your body without fear of being shamed or punished?” Feminism wants you to have fun, because sex just isn’t about making babies these days, despite all the messages in the media that suggest otherwise.

                                                             v.      The issue of sex also encompasses the whole “birth control” debacle. For some reason, society wants us all in the dark about how to prevent unwanted pregnancies; you know, for example, abstinence-only sex education. Feminism is fighting, and is continuing to fight for the right over complete control over our bodies, whether that means the right to use birth control, or to have a safe legal abortion.

                                                           vi.      Sex is a very touchy subject in different areas of conversation, but feminism isn’t afraid to acknowledge and combat those contradictions. Sex should be talked about, and feminists love doing the talking.

4.      Do you believe women exercise self determination and personal agency in spite of all of these complexities and contradictions?

·         Yes, I know that there women who are consciously making decisions and know why they are making them. For example, make up. I know that by wearing makeup, I’m fueling the beauty industry and buying into idea of America’s warped perception of beauty. Do I still wear make up? Yes. I wear it because it’s fun and artistic, but I also recognize the underlying issues that come with purchasing and wearing makeup.

·         Knowing how to exercise agency is all about being informed, making informed decisions. To reference Valenti, “she says that it’s important that we try to understand why we’re making the decisions we do and how they’re related to what we see around us.”

Wonderful Women of March: My Mother, Alison

My mother. Yup. Isn't she cute?

This woman is the most influential woman in my life; thus, why I'm making her my first Wonderful Woman of March. Not only is she my mother, but she's also my close friend and confidant. Sweet and corny, right? I know.

In high school, my mother and I were usually on good terms, but we weren't as close as we are now. Which, some might say is typical because of college; basically, I've matured.

Anyway, these are the reasons why my mother, Alison, is my first Wonderful Woman of March:

1. On the topic of body image, my mother never, ever pushed cultural/societal beauty norms or standards in my face. Ever. She was, and still is, always so supportive about how I look, according to her, I'm never too fat, too gross, too anything. I, specifically, remember a time in middle school when I was trying on clothes before the first day of school and I told her I looked fat, and she told me that I wasn't fat, I was beautiful. I'm always beautiful to my mother, and as she is to me. I can't express how lucky I am to have a mother who doesn't pester me about my weight, diets, and excessive exercising.
2. My mother is educated. She studied law at the University of North Dakota and graduated with her Juris Doctor. Aside from her law degree, she is a brilliant woman all around.
3. My mother is passionate. My mother told me that she really didn't have a desire to be a laywer when she was working her way through school; all she really wanted to do was be a mom. She had four children with my father and she was the mom she always wanted to be. She's passionate about being a mother and seeing that her children do well in life, supporting us in the best way she knows, and letting us figure things out for ourselves, as we grow older. 
4. My mother is compassionate. She has a very big, loving heart. She's one of the biggest animal lovers I know, and enjoys taking care of all of the animals on the "small hobby farm" she lives on. She bottle-fed and raised three domesticated white-tail deer, and likes watching them enjoy the life she's created for them out at our family farm. 
5. My mother and father are a unit. They're so in love with each other, it sometimes makes me sick, but I also know how rare it is to have a mom and dad that are still married and living together, that still want to spend time with each other, and rarely fight. My parents have been through some hard times in recent years, and yet they still stay strong and committed to each other and everything eventually works itself out. 

I have so many more reasons than just the ones listed above, but I wouldn't want to keep you reading forever. My mother is wonderful, and I'm so lucky to have her in my life.

I also know that if my dad were to read this, he'd be all, "What about meeee?"

And to that, I'd say, "Dad - you're pretty rockin', too."