Women on Wednesday: High Heels, Lipstick, and Sex

Today I had the privilege of speaking on a panel for our campus's Women on Wednesday series. Women on Wednesday is our Women's Center signature noon-hour lecture series covering a current theme each semester, this Spring, the topic being "Change Makers: Young Women Speak Out." The topic today, High Heels, Lipstick, and Sex, was quite a provocative one and we were very happy with the number of listeners we had.

I figured that since noon is a pretty difficult time for any students to make a commitment, other than lunch, I would post some of the questions that we discussed and what my '"talking points" were. Also, the session was podcasted and will be posted to the Women's Center website, so be on the lookout for that if you're interested.

High Heels, Lipstick and Sex

1.      Do you identify as a feminist? If yes, when did you?  And what does being a feminist mean to you?

·         Yes

·         Being a feminist means that everything just makes sense to me. All the issues surrounding my life and that I’m constantly immersed in suddenly have meaning, explanations, and reasoning for why I feel the way I do. Being a feminist means not being alone. It means collaboration and discussion about activism and how to change people’s perception about gender and the issues that we, as women, face on a daily basis. It means informing and educating others about what’s going on in the world; it means creating awareness on how to prevent issues that are relevant to the overall quality of life regarding all women. Feminism just isn’t a part of my life, it is my life.

2.      What are the contradictions about social messages of who you are supposed to be, what you’re supposed to wear (high heels, lipstick), how much sex you’re allowed to have (and who they are allowed to have it with)?

·         There are underlying contradictions everywhere in our society, so I’ll just name the top three that I’m faced with on a daily basis.

·         Women are always supposed to be beautiful.

                                                              i.      Make up – we’re not regarded as “pretty” if we’re not wearing it, but men (because that’s who we’re supposed to impress, right?) so often claim that they would much rather see us without make up, why do we still wear it? Because it makes you feel pretty? Why?

                                                            ii.      Clothing – media representation of women basically says that we should be wearing leather mini-skirts and stilettos 24/7, but the minute we do, we’re called “sluts” or “whores.” You know, and it’s even gone to the extreme that when women are sexually assaulted or raped, society has begun to blame our clothing options – saying that we were asking for it, or we should’ve expected it.

                                                          iii.      Shaving

·         Body image

                                                              i.      We’re supposed to be thin, but when we’re too thin we’re called “anorexic.” You know, or we’re supposed to have curves, but watch out, if you exceed a size 12, or heaven forbid a size 14, you’re not longer considered beautiful, you’re fat.

                                                            ii.      Or perhaps the ad campaigns that promote “positive body image,” such as Dove, but yet, they have the nerve to cell cellulite removal cream or skin lightening products. Don’t be fooled.

·         Sex

                                                              i.      Women are told to stay virgins for as long as possible, but when the big moment finally arrives, we’re supposed to know exactly what to do in order to please our male partners.

3.      What is the biggest contradiction you struggle with as a woman who believes in feminist ideals?

·         Sex

                                                              i.      Young women are being sold the idea that we can’t make our own decisions about sex, and this stems back to abstinence-only sex education from high school.

                                                            ii.      Jessica Valenti wrote this great book, Full Frontal Feminism, and she basically says that women aren’t supposed to be having sex, you know, until they’re married, or only if it’s for procreation, and only with another girl if guys can watch. Basically, if we’re not doing it the way other people want, we’re just not supposed to be engaging in that sort of activity.

                                                          iii.      Misconception or stereotype that feminists hate sex (or that you’re a lesbian since we all supposedly hate men), which is just that, a stereotype. Feminism basically says that it’s okay to make decisions about your sexuality for yourself. In fact, feminism, and feminists alike, encourage you to take control of your own sexuality, claim it as yours, no one else’s, and I understand how difficult that is, but once you can grasp that aspect of your life, it’s completely empowering and invigorating.

                                                           iv.      I have been actively participating in my own sexuality, and that basically just means that I’m not having sex. I am choosing, I am the one making the decisions. To quote Valenti, “Because when it comes down to it, what’s more important than being able to do what you want with your body without fear of being shamed or punished?” Feminism wants you to have fun, because sex just isn’t about making babies these days, despite all the messages in the media that suggest otherwise.

                                                             v.      The issue of sex also encompasses the whole “birth control” debacle. For some reason, society wants us all in the dark about how to prevent unwanted pregnancies; you know, for example, abstinence-only sex education. Feminism is fighting, and is continuing to fight for the right over complete control over our bodies, whether that means the right to use birth control, or to have a safe legal abortion.

                                                           vi.      Sex is a very touchy subject in different areas of conversation, but feminism isn’t afraid to acknowledge and combat those contradictions. Sex should be talked about, and feminists love doing the talking.

4.      Do you believe women exercise self determination and personal agency in spite of all of these complexities and contradictions?

·         Yes, I know that there women who are consciously making decisions and know why they are making them. For example, make up. I know that by wearing makeup, I’m fueling the beauty industry and buying into idea of America’s warped perception of beauty. Do I still wear make up? Yes. I wear it because it’s fun and artistic, but I also recognize the underlying issues that come with purchasing and wearing makeup.

·         Knowing how to exercise agency is all about being informed, making informed decisions. To reference Valenti, “she says that it’s important that we try to understand why we’re making the decisions we do and how they’re related to what we see around us.”