Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I've caught you in your feminsim... (part 2)

... oh, yes I have.

This series is dedicated to the those who claim that they're not feminists, yet have feminists ideals. To those who want nothing to do with feminism, YET believe in the core principles of feminism. To those who are so determined to stay out feminism. To those that give me so much shit about being a feminist and for standing my ground on my beliefs. To those same people that secretly believe in the same equality that I do, even if they are completely oblivious to it.

This is my little, "HAHA" in your face for catching you in your feminism.


My male friend and I were texting and this is how it went:

Friend: Its quite interesting really, how much our federal government pays to make sure teachers teach only abstinence.

Me: I know, right?! Feminism. :)

Friend: What the fuck does that have to do with feminism?

Me: That's a part of feminism. I'm going to write about you in my blog now. (I'm awful, aren't I?)

Friend: That is not feminism. That's something about the public school system. It's not like it's taught to only girls, you dolt.

And the conversation stopped after that point because he is completely impossible. Why I chose to make him a part of this series is because comprehensive and holistic sexual education is a huge part of the feminist agenda, whether he thinks so or not.

Feminists have been fighting, and continue to do so, for every woman's right to choose. Feminists have made it a point to call out our government for the poor, and lack of, proper sexual education in our public school system. Personally, as a feminist, sexual education is one of the biggest issues I struggle with, and advocate for.

And he's right, abstinence-only sex education isn't just being taught to girls. Girls and boys, alike, are being subjected to false, inaccurate claims and "facts" regarding sexual health. This isn't just an issue about and for girls. Feminism, as defined by any dictionary, is basically the equality between genders, and don't worry, Friend, we aren't leaving the boys out on this one.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Young girls are feminists, too!

Just last weekend, I had the pleasure of babysitting my young cousins, all of whom were super eager and excited to see me. Simply put, they are the cutest, most thoughtful little girls I know - and I'm not just saying that because we're related. Well, maybe I am, but I'm allowed to be biased.

Now, these girls have grown up with almost everything pink. They love to play Barbies and they're just over the moon about the Disney Princesses. They're obsessed with anything that involves high heels, make up, and jewelry. And to be honest, what young girl isn't? Such things, as a child, are just intriguing and totally cool!

Hanging out with my girlies is always such a treat. They're always teaching me new things and never fail to keep me informed on "what's cool" now-a-days (because apparently, I'm old and totally out of the loop). They make me smile and laugh more than any other children can, and spending time with them really makes me want to have children (someday) that are just as spunky and awesome as they are.

Now, to the point of this blog entry. We were having a nice lunch, seated in the kitchen at their counter. All four girls (ages 11, 9, 6, 4) were sitting so nicely and eating their lunches and chatting about school projects. As a feminist, and a curious person, I enjoy listening to other people (and in this case, children) about the conversations they're having in relation to feminism and gender. I just happened to have been listening at the right time because they were now on the topic of Disney Princesses.

Maddie, the eldest, then said what every feminist wants to hear in regards to body image and the perception of beauty.

"Jenna, the princesses are so perfect and so skinny. I just don't understand why because no one really looks like that. It's kind of gross. I can't ever look like that because if I did, I would look unhealthy." Then my heart started to melt. And just like that, I had faith in the younger generations in relation to their body image. I had faith that the younger generations of women would be able to develop POSITIVE BODY IMAGE, in spite of the media messages that suggest otherwise.

The best part of our conversation was that the younger girls, Abby, Paige, and even the four-year-old, Mya, agreed with their eldest sister! I was so thrilled! There was conversation about beauty and how beauty isn't defined by a fictional character. I just participated in the conversation as a listener, with the occasional head-nod and the ever present "Mmhmmm."

Part of me wanted to take each one in my arms and tell them that with that attitude, they could save a whole generation of women from negative body image. I wanted to compliment them on noticing how these Disney Princesses are flawed in so many ways, but I didn't.

For me, the fact that these girls can, and do, promote positive body image at these ages is completely surprising and invigorating. Young girls should be taught how to love their bodies just the way they are. They should be calling out the media messages that they're consuming (i.e. Disney Princess movies).

I didn't reach out and commend those little badass girls because then that would've opened up the dialogue for why I was complimenting them. What they were saying about Disney's perception of beauty was spot on, and to congratulate them on making those valid critiques would've, in turn, made them question whether or not such claims are normal and accurate - which they are! I will not give praise when it is not needed.

Young girls of all ages should be taught how to consume mass media and what to look for, such as positive and negative aspects of advertising, using women's bodies as a medium for advertising, and in those girls' case, how seriously to take those Disney Princesses.

They made my heart grow with their words and gave me hope. They gave me hope that one day, they'll be just as feminist as I am. They gave me hope that they'll remain themselves, even when faced with unrealistic expectations of how and who they're supposed to be. I love them so much.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

30 Steps to Self Empowerment (SAAM)

If you didn't already know, April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

And I know, I know... April is practically already half way over, but I thought I would share these 30 steps to self empowerment, to commemorate Sexual Assault Awareness Month, written by S. Davidson. I found this piece while tabling for the Women's Center in our student union and it comes from the Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women, although, I'm sure it's been published elsewhere, too.

I believe that this list was originally created for women who have been physically or emotionally abused by a parent or partner. In any case, these steps are so motivating and inspiring and may apply to you anyway. I encourage you to share and, in turn, try to live by these steps.

30 Steps to Self Empowerment

  1. Follow your gut!!! If something doesn't feel right, it's probably not a good place for you to be. Your instincts rarely let you down, but we've been conditioned, especially as women, to ignore these.
  2. Try not to be afraid to ask for help. There's many wonderful people more than willing to help you in a positive and healthy way.
  3. ASK what you don't know. Learn to be self sufficient: Read, go to the library, enlighten yourself in any way you can. Learn how to drive, budget money, become organized, save money, be responsible for your bills/children/self.
  4. Face your fears... realistically, patiently, safely. Create scenarios in your mind, practice saying your thoughts out loud so "paralysis" won't set in.
  5. Set realistic goals for yourself and believe in yourself.
  6. Try not to lie to yourself.
  7. Surround yourself with positive people, avoid those who will tear you down in any way.
  8. Don't feel bad if you stay away from old friends or even family members.
  9. Take care of yourself - responsibly. Understand that there's a big difference between self care and being selfish - and think about where those messages of being selfish are coming from.
  10. Set clear boundaries. Set limits. Learn/experience how good it feels to say NO.
  11. Develop your spirituality but avoid following blindly. Whatever your faith, walk the talk.
  12. Treat others the way you want to be treated: with dignity and respect.
  13. Know your own limits but don't underestimate your own personal power.
  14. RECLAIM!!
  15. Put positives in place of negatives.
  16. KNOW, deep within your heart that NO one deserves to be abused, you're not alone and i fyou have been abused in any way, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
  17. Develop a safety plan: for you, for your children.
  18. Be prepared.
  19. Be patient: especially with yourself. Healing is a process. It takes time, but it's worth the wait.
  20. Put responsibility where it belongs. If someone has hurt you, it's their responsibility. If, after taking an honest and guilt free look at yourself, you feel you have hurt someone... make amends and try not to make the same mistake.
  21. Understand the difference between lonely and being alone.
  22. Stand up for yourself; as a woman, as a human being.
  23. Learn to take a critical look at media images and messages.
  24. Challenge the stereotypes that may keep you oppressed in any way.
  25. Learn to be assertive; not aggressive or passive.
  26. Learn to hope again. Take charge of your life.
  27. Be responsible. Freedom comes with being responsible.
  28. Find your hidden talents - your creative side - develop it.
  29. Learn to make decisions. Understand that life is about choices. With every choice we make, there's a consequence. Try to make the choices with the most positive consequences.
  30. Take deep breaths. When you're stressed, you forget to breathe. Trust you instincts, trust your gut, trust yourself. YOU are important and worthy of being treated with respect and dignity.

Friday, April 8, 2011

I've caught you in your feminism...

... oh, yes I have.

So, I've just decided (as of ten minutes ago) that I'm doing a new series called, "I've Caught You in Your Feminism." This series is dedicated to the those who claim that they're not feminists, yet have feminists ideals. To those who want nothing to do with feminism, YET believe in the core principles of feminism. To those who are so determined to stay out feminism. To those that give me so much shit about being a feminist and for standing my ground on my beliefs. To those same people that secretly believe in the same equality that I do, even if they are completely oblivious to it.


This is my little, "HAHA" in your face for catching you in your feminism.

How it happened:

My sister, whom I love dearly and whom isn't very supportive of my feminism, was explaining how her boyfriend's mother was giving them a "sex" talk. The sex talk was religiously driven and my sister didn't really care for it. She was ranting and raving about how she was angry she was, and then it happened...

She placed her left hand on her hip, and the other in the air very matter-of-factly and stated, "No one is going to tell me what to do with my body!"

Cue the finger-pointing and the "I told you so" from me that ensued there after.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Women on Wednesday: High Heels, Lipstick, and Sex

Today I had the privilege of speaking on a panel for our campus's Women on Wednesday series. Women on Wednesday is our Women's Center signature noon-hour lecture series covering a current theme each semester, this Spring, the topic being "Change Makers: Young Women Speak Out." The topic today, High Heels, Lipstick, and Sex, was quite a provocative one and we were very happy with the number of listeners we had.
I figured that since noon is a pretty difficult time for any students to make a commitment, other than lunch, I would post some of the questions that we discussed and what my '"talking points" were. Also, the session was podcasted and will be posted to the Women's Center website, so be on the lookout for that if you're interested.

High Heels, Lipstick and Sex

1.      Do you identify as a feminist? If yes, when did you?  And what does being a feminist mean to you?

·         Yes

·         Being a feminist means that everything just makes sense to me. All the issues surrounding my life and that I’m constantly immersed in suddenly have meaning, explanations, and reasoning for why I feel the way I do. Being a feminist means not being alone. It means collaboration and discussion about activism and how to change people’s perception about gender and the issues that we, as women, face on a daily basis. It means informing and educating others about what’s going on in the world; it means creating awareness on how to prevent issues that are relevant to the overall quality of life regarding all women. Feminism just isn’t a part of my life, it is my life.


2.      What are the contradictions about social messages of who you are supposed to be, what you’re supposed to wear (high heels, lipstick), how much sex you’re allowed to have (and who they are allowed to have it with)?

·         There are underlying contradictions everywhere in our society, so I’ll just name the top three that I’m faced with on a daily basis.

·         Women are always supposed to be beautiful.

                                                              i.      Make up – we’re not regarded as “pretty” if we’re not wearing it, but men (because that’s who we’re supposed to impress, right?) so often claim that they would much rather see us without make up, why do we still wear it? Because it makes you feel pretty? Why?

                                                            ii.      Clothing – media representation of women basically says that we should be wearing leather mini-skirts and stilettos 24/7, but the minute we do, we’re called “sluts” or “whores.” You know, and it’s even gone to the extreme that when women are sexually assaulted or raped, society has begun to blame our clothing options – saying that we were asking for it, or we should’ve expected it.

                                                          iii.      Shaving



·         Body image

                                                              i.      We’re supposed to be thin, but when we’re too thin we’re called “anorexic.” You know, or we’re supposed to have curves, but watch out, if you exceed a size 12, or heaven forbid a size 14, you’re not longer considered beautiful, you’re fat.

                                                            ii.      Or perhaps the ad campaigns that promote “positive body image,” such as Dove, but yet, they have the nerve to cell cellulite removal cream or skin lightening products. Don’t be fooled.

·         Sex
                                                              i.      Women are told to stay virgins for as long as possible, but when the big moment finally arrives, we’re supposed to know exactly what to do in order to please our male partners.

3.      What is the biggest contradiction you struggle with as a woman who believes in feminist ideals?
·         Sex
                                                              i.      Young women are being sold the idea that we can’t make our own decisions about sex, and this stems back to abstinence-only sex education from high school.

                                                            ii.      Jessica Valenti wrote this great book, Full Frontal Feminism, and she basically says that women aren’t supposed to be having sex, you know, until they’re married, or only if it’s for procreation, and only with another girl if guys can watch. Basically, if we’re not doing it the way other people want, we’re just not supposed to be engaging in that sort of activity.

                                                          iii.      Misconception or stereotype that feminists hate sex (or that you’re a lesbian since we all supposedly hate men), which is just that, a stereotype. Feminism basically says that it’s okay to make decisions about your sexuality for yourself. In fact, feminism, and feminists alike, encourage you to take control of your own sexuality, claim it as yours, no one else’s, and I understand how difficult that is, but once you can grasp that aspect of your life, it’s completely empowering and invigorating.

                                                           iv.      I have been actively participating in my own sexuality, and that basically just means that I’m not having sex. I am choosing, I am the one making the decisions. To quote Valenti, “Because when it comes down to it, what’s more important than being able to do what you want with your body without fear of being shamed or punished?” Feminism wants you to have fun, because sex just isn’t about making babies these days, despite all the messages in the media that suggest otherwise.
                                                             v.      The issue of sex also encompasses the whole “birth control” debacle. For some reason, society wants us all in the dark about how to prevent unwanted pregnancies; you know, for example, abstinence-only sex education. Feminism is fighting, and is continuing to fight for the right over complete control over our bodies, whether that means the right to use birth control, or to have a safe legal abortion.

                                                           vi.      Sex is a very touchy subject in different areas of conversation, but feminism isn’t afraid to acknowledge and combat those contradictions. Sex should be talked about, and feminists love doing the talking.

4.      Do you believe women exercise self determination and personal agency in spite of all of these complexities and contradictions?

·         Yes, I know that there women who are consciously making decisions and know why they are making them. For example, make up. I know that by wearing makeup, I’m fueling the beauty industry and buying into idea of America’s warped perception of beauty. Do I still wear make up? Yes. I wear it because it’s fun and artistic, but I also recognize the underlying issues that come with purchasing and wearing makeup.

·         Knowing how to exercise agency is all about being informed, making informed decisions. To reference Valenti, “she says that it’s important that we try to understand why we’re making the decisions we do and how they’re related to what we see around us.”

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The "R" Word

Disclaimer: This was written with the intent to speak to the ignorant, the belligerent, and the uninformed.

So, let's talk about something.

The "R" word. Yeah, and don't act as if you have no idea what that word is either. You've probably used it before, and I won't lie - I have, too.

I'm going make this as clear and concise as possible: USING THE WORD "RETARD/RETARDED" IS HATE SPEECH. Why, might you ask, is it considered hate speech? Well, I'll tell you.

According to the R-Word (Spread the Word to End the Word) campaign, "the word retard is considered hate speech because it offends people with intellectual and developmental disabilities as well as the people that care for and support them. It alienates and excludes them. It also emphasizes the negative stereotypes surrounding people with intellectual and developmental disabilities; the common belief that people with intellectual and developmental disabilities should be segregated, hidden away from society." – Karleigh Jones, Special Olympics New Zealand athlete

And, according to the advocates involved with the campaign, that isn't the only reason why the R-word is hurtful when used in jokes or as a part of everyday language. Not that you should need anymore reason or justification as to why you SHOULDN'T use this word.

And as stated on the campaign's website, the R-word...

is exclusive.
ignores individuality.
equates intellectual disability with being dumb or stupid.
spreads hurt.
is offensive.
is incorrect.
is derogatory.
fosters loneliness.

And, quite frankly, if "retard" is as creative as you get when you're attempting to insult someone, then I feel sorry for you. There's just not much more I can say without getting mean.


Call to action: Go to their website, and if you're a considerate human being, as most of the people I know are, pledge your support to end hate speech, and more importantly, pledge because you know it's the right thing to do.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Cool Finds

So, I thank everyone who read my previous blog entry about Courtney Martin - and even better, she actually commented on it! What a wonderful gesture. It's nice to know that she speaks very fondly of her fans and followers.

So today, one of my co-workers found this really interesting and comical website pertaining to Emergency Contraception.

The website is titled, "Why The Fuck Should I Use EC?" and had my attention instantly. Funny how that works, huh? My favorite replies, by far, being "In the sober light of day you don't actually want to have his fucking children" and "Your boyfriend won't stop playing Wii (or xbox) long enough to help you with a fucking baby." So great. I think the F-bomb makes everything more serious, yet hilarious.

The other cool find that I wanted to share was a video from the National Youth Poetry Slam. The piece is titled, "This is For You," and is performed at the Sacred Grounds Cafe in Arcata, CA, by Isaac Miller and Ulises Dorantes. They were finalists back in 2005, and I know, I know... it's so outdated, but it's so inspiring. Check it out.